The Creative Writing Class 2023 – Meat & Hair (Ash Ambirge)

Or how about these fun-filled symptoms? You ever experience these filthy thoughts while writing / procrastinating /contemplating binge nachos?

• Ugh, that sounds stupid. What am I, a prepubescent crotch molecule?

• On paper I never sound like myself—I swear I’m way more fun than this.

• Who is this formal, stiff, characterless corporate robot???

• GENERIC CITYYYYYY.

• Everybody else is more clever / creative / cool / funny than me.

• Why do I even bother?

• Is anybody even reading this? Hello?

• I SOUND LIKE MR. ROGERS ATE A SOCCER MOM.

• I can’t seem to communicate what I really think and feel.

• I always sound awkward.

• Yeah, nice caption, dipwit. “Comment below if you agree!” Real original, Jan!

• No one’s clicking. No one’s buying. No one even cares I’m alive.

• Am I wasting my time? Should I be cashing people out at Aldi’s Discount Warehouse? Would that be a better use of my time?

• Another launch with zero fanfare. Cool, cool, cool.

• I don’t even know what “my voice” is. (That fabled, elusive parable of the gods.)

• What’s too much? What’s not enough? How do I ride the line between professional & personality?

• “Just following up!” I wrote (yet) again, unsure what else to say.

• Standing out is a cruel myth. We are all selling the same thing! How much different can I be?!

• Writing isn’t even fun anymore—it’s just a giant, fleshy, smelly armpit of a chore…except I gotta do it, because this is what my entire career / life / marriage / FUTURE HOBBY AS OPRAH IS RIDING ON.