How To Man – Alex Allman

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How To Finally Step Into Your “Authentic Manhood” & Start Getting The Automatic Respect From Women You’ve Always Wanted… And The Happy & Fulfilling Relationships You Deserve

Dear Friend,

In this letter I am going to share some powerful insights, tips, and ideas around Manhood that you can use RIGHT NOW to change your life, feel more powerful as a man, and relate more powerfully with attractive women.

At the end I’m going to offer you an opportunity to join a very special brotherhood that, if you can afford it, I guarantee you are going to love…

Whether or not you choose to join (or in case finances stop you), I am still committed to you getting some important ideas to think about from reading this letter:

Everyone knows that most men don’t come even close to living their full potential…

In fact, I’ll bet you’ve had the same experience that I have:

When you meet a guy who is going around with his chest puffed out and saying that he doesn’t give a f**k and only does things on HIS terms… he’s usually so deeply full of shit that he’s completely blinded himself to how scared, unhappy, and lonely he is.

And yet, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t men out there who are the real deal.

There are a few men out there who actually are exactly on their path, whose lives are a deep and powerful and honest expression of exactly who they are as a fully realized MAN.

For the rest of us, these men can serve as an object of hero-worship, jealousy… or a beacon shining in the distance across a dark void of uncertainty when we are lying awake at night wondering, “Is THIS all there is to my life? Is THIS the most MAN I am destined to be?”

And, spoiler alert, if you’ve never asked those questions, you’re either living in deep denial and fear and suppressing how badly you want something more, because it just hurts too much to think about it… or you are already LIVING as a fully expressed MAN IN FULL, and you are smiling and remembering the day when you finally took that question in the night seriously, and went into ACTION to find the answer.

This letter is for the man who is just beginning to take the question seriously as a call to action to live a bigger life. If that’s you, then you are right where you are meant to be, reading this:

At the starting line of the most exciting and rewarding phase of your life…

Take A Moment And Allow Yourself To Feel

What Your Life Would Be Like If You Could…

Break Through Insecurities, And The Feelings Like You Aren’t Good Enough… And Step Into A New Life Of Clear Confidence That Comes From Your Deepest Core

Develop Overwhelming Sexual Confidence That Women Can Feel From The Moment She Looks Into Your Eyes, And That Lets Her Know Right Away That She Is Talking To A Desirable Man

Learn The “Self-Made Man’s Secrets” Of Financial Freedom, And Gain The Peace Of Mind That Comes From Knowing That You Can Secure Your Future

Become The Kind Of Man Who Friends, Family, Co-Workers, And Lovers Respect And Look Up To… Not For What He Does, But For Who He Is Through And Through

Create Intimate Relationships With Women That Are Sexually Charged, Passionate, Authentic, And Openly Happy & Fulfilling

After nearly 10 years of working with thousands of men to overcome their darkest insecurities and achieve their brightest dreams for sexual confidence, intimacy, and love… Here is what I have learned:

• Men want to be accepted and respected by WOMEN and taken seriously as a MAN (not simply as a person or a neuter friend).
• Men want to be accepted and respected by other MEN as a Man and a brother.
• Men crave the adoration, sex, love, and support of a truly great woman to partner with them.
• Men have a deep, elemental yearning at their core for greater self-understanding.
• Men wish for a sense of freedom and ease around money, career, and contribution

Chances are, one (or even ALL) of these things strongly resonate with you too.

So let’s look at some of the real reasons why you, me, and most men have felt a lack around these things…

The Tsunami Of Bullshit

Men are frustrated by the soul-drowning tsunami of bullshit that shouts at them everywhere you go, about what you need to DO in order to be a “real man,” get laid! make millions! have bigger muscles! a bigger dick! and “win” at life!…

I’ve studied marketing for quite a few years, and one of the central laws of making money selling stuff to people is to figure out what makes them insecure, and use that to get them to think they need your product…

Whether that’s a big SUV to make you feel macho and tough, a pimple cream to avoid being ugly, an expensive watch so that other people will think that you’re “successful”, or a book on how to pick up chicks so that you won’t be a lonely, sexless, loser, or yet another program on how to make millions of dollars online while sitting on your couch in your underwear…

With every click on the internet, every sponsor on television, every billboard when you’re driving or riding a bus… everywhere you go, you are being fed continuous bullshit about what kind of beer you need to drink in order to be sexy, accepted, popular, rich, or masculine.

In fact, I strongly recommend that while you read this letter, you continuously ask yourself if I’M FULL OF SHIT too… Is THIS letter also just one more piece of bullshit online trying to sell you on something you need in order to be masculine?

It’s true that I’m going to offer you something to buy at the end, and I have studied marketing, so if you’re smart, you’ll question whether you can trust what I’m saying too.

So it’s no wonder men are confused about…

The Difference Between Macho & Masculine

Figuring this out was a huge wakeup call for me because I knew that in order to get the things that I wanted: Respect, Love, Success, and Sex…

I had to be taken seriously as a MAN. I had to be “masculine”.

But what I thought was “masculine” was completely WRONG.

I thought “macho” was masculine. I thought superficial characteristics like being tough, fearless, handsome, strong, big, fierce… or even violent, scary enough that nobody would dare fuck with me, and of course… Have a HUGE cock…

I thought those things were what would make me a MAN in the eyes of others… and especially attractive, desirable women.

Now let me be super clear:

Most of those qualities are very positive. There’s nothing wrong (and a lot that’s right!) about being tough, fearless, handsome, strong, etc…

The problem was that I spent so much of my life trying to be those things (or at least fake those things) that I thought other people wanted me to be in order to be considered MASCULINE, that I completely missed THE TRUTH about what Manhood is.

In fact, none of those things have much to do with being a MAN…

And none of them having much to do with being sexually attractive to women.

But the “Tsunami Of Bullshit” that we live in, like fish live in water, had convinced me that I had to be all of those things in order to be accepted and respected as a man.

I’ll tell you the deep Truth about exactly what being a Man really is in just minute, but first…
Let’s talk about your father.

The Things You Didn’t Get From Your Father

Many men today grow up without a father or even a father-figure, role model, or mentor of masculinity.

But even if you had the “perfect” dad, the fact is, no man gets everything he needs from his biological father in order to grow up as a fully realized Man.

Our ancestors who survived the harshest conditions for thousands of years without the benefit of technology or civilization, and fathered sons who became men who fathered sons across generations of hardship, were raised by the entire tribe…

And the tribe had a huge stake in those boys becoming powerful, capable, and mate-worthy men, because the survival and future of the tribe depended on those boys and the brotherhood of MEN they would become as adults.

No man gets everything they need from their biological father.

This is important…

Here is a short list of the most critical and important things you NEED to get from the father-figures and mentors in your life to grow completely in your Manhood

Things Every Man “Needs”

(And Didn’t Get All Of From Our Fathers)

If you want some deep insights into your own life, success, attractiveness to the opposite sex, and feelings of completeness as a man, then carefully go through this list and see which of these things you got from your father, and which you still need to find for yourself…

• Physical presence
• Feeling of “Home”: Safety, protection, stability, security
• Demonstration of healthy lifestyle
• Demonstration of loving behavior
• Love, affection, play, praise
• Challenge, encouragement, activities together
• Healthy boundaries and consistent discipline
• Understanding of the world, how it works, opportunities and limitations
• Healthy belief system about working, money, contribution
• Emotional connection, warmth, and brotherhood of men, feeling of inclusion
• Discovery and support of your native talents, and career advice
• Teaching and learning, supporting a good education (not necessarily “school”)
• Advice and mentoring about life’s challenges as they occur
• Sensitivity and age-appropriate interactions at every step
• Understanding and healthy relationship to women both as “normal people” and as the “object of desire”
• Spiritual guidance and participation
• Self-understanding and perspective
• Introductions, support and guidance from adolescence to full adulthood
• Role model of…
• Integrity
• Love
• Humor
• Grit, the calm and resolute ability to deal with life’s setbacks
• Masculinity
• Authenticity
• Honesty
• Emotional maturity
• Courage
• Personal freedom and self-authorship
• Responsibility and money maturity
• Fulfilling, happy relationship with a woman
• Self Understanding

If you took time to go through that list (or at least commit to coming back to it and seriously evaluate what you are still missing), you will find it to be an invaluable TOOL for understanding how to grow to your personal “next level” and step into your power as a Man in full.

One of the keys to becoming powerful, free, and respected is your ability to accurately and honestly look in the mirror and know the truth about yourself.

Our Culture Thinks Men Are A Joke…

Wow! it’s almost hard to believe the crap that they heap on men…

Our culture belittles men at every turn.

It is totally acceptable to make fun of, and to be degrading towards Men.

Everywhere you look, men are blamed for every problem in our society. On television, fathers are always portrayed as beer-addled buffoons who can’t find their own asses with both hands, and single men as half-retarded, scheming robots whose lives revolve around getting laid and lying.

Sure, it’s just comedy, and yet…

Is it any wonder that women constantly talk about men as “simple”, as idiots who need to be trained, as untrustable and sex-obsessed?

Outside of super-hero comic characters, men are viewed as broken, stupid, and incompetent as a gender. On television, and in popular media, men aren’t just the joke, they’re the punch-line.

And the idea of the REAL authentic, powerful, nurturing, emotionally mature, grounded, and honorable Man who is worthy of respect is considered a unicorn. A naive fairytale that a woman would have to be a child to believe in.

And so women become defensive, demanding, suspicious, and disloyal.

But make no mistake about this:

Women Are Starving For A Real Man

Most women can’t even admit how badly they want a real MAN for fear of humiliation and disappointment. Most just give up in despair.

But what is critical here, what YOU MUST KNOW:

Women are deeply and earnestly on your side when it comes to showing up as your most powerful and masculine self.

Women want you to WIN this battle for yourself and for them. They want YOU to be the man who wipes away their suspicions and fears so that they can give their hearts completely.

For most men this is extremely counter-intuitive.

Most men have the experience of feeling, emotionally, that if they tried to stand up as Men, that women would laugh at them, reject them, and humiliate them, and then go screw some other guy.

(This is because of the tsunami of bullshit and the cultural joke about manhood)…

But nothing could be further from the truth.

When you begin to walk your path towards your full masculine freedom, you will be amazed to discover that the women in your life – from friends, to co-workers, to lovers, to that girl you just started dating – all of them will all be your biggest cheerleaders along the way.

Here’s another little secret: Men are starving for Real Men too.

Men are hungry for the brothers, fathers, and mentors to stand with, shoulder-to-shoulder, to take back their birthright of unassailable masculine freedom.

Other men won’t be jealous, they won’t reject you, they won’t say, “who the hell does he think he is?!”

Nope. When you show up as a man, other men will run to support you on your path.

In fact, the only one really standing in your way is you.

Being A Real Man vs Faking It

I spent most of my life “faking it”…

Trying to get by by puffing myself up and making people think that I had everything handled and under control…

Trying to seem impressive and manly in front of women…

Trying to seem courageous and tough in front of other men…

Inside I was mostly confused and lonely. I felt like the whole world wanted me to be a certain way – strong, fearless, confident, muscular, smooth with the ladies…

Showing weakness would basically mean that I wasn’t a man– and I knew that I had a lot of weakness and fear inside of me. I dreaded that I’d be rejected as a man if anyone ever found out.

I used to lose my temper if someone tried to talk to me about these well-hidden areas.

I thought if I could just get it right, if I could just act the way I was supposed to and make people think I was a certain way, that eventually I’d be happy…

Eventually I’d have the right woman, the right income from the right career, and the right life. I’d get the respect as a man that I thought would make me feel, finally, at ease with who I was.

All this effort, for years, to please my parents, my girlfriend, to be impressive, to succeed, to be more honest, more impeccable, to honor my desires, to be emotionally sensitive, to be strong, to man up, to suck it up, everything… all that effort… was a complete and total WASTE OF TIME.

In fact, all of that effort took me in exactly the wrong direction, made me more insecure, and drove me even farther from actually stepping into my power as a Man.

I Lived In Fear That Everyone Would Find Out That I Wasn’t Who I Was Pretending To Be

Here’s how good I got at faking it:

I had gotten so heavily into martial arts, that I eventually became a certified instructor in Krav Maga, the Israeli military fighting system that is so macho that not only does it include “gun take-aways”, but even has techniques for dealing with a terrorist holding a live grenade and how to disarm an assailant with a sub-machine gun that is strapped to their shoulder. Real James Bond stuff.

I loved it, and it gained me the respect of other serious manly men, like cops, swat teams, and military units, who came to our training programs.

Then I landed a girlfriend who was bi-sexual and an absolute genius at seducing other women. And we started regularly having threesomes with girls who came home with us from bars and clubs around Los Angeles.

From the outside it looked like I had the most macho lifestyle imaginable.

And honestly I’m not going to say that I wasn’t having a lot of fun…

But it was all, 100% “veneer”. In fact, what I didn’t even dare to admit to myself was that I had built my entire identity as a man, and all of my “confidence” around the external “accomplishments” in my life.

And when I injured my hand and couldn’t fight for a few months and then the bisexual girlfriend left me, I crumbled like the big, fake shell of a man that I was.

Without external “proof” of my manliness, I instantly reverted to the depressed, shy, uncertain, anxiety-ridden faker that I had been carrying inside all along.

“Real Man” Means “Self Authentication”

Just so there’s no misunderstanding here… There is nothing wrong with all the positive qualities of manhood like strength, courage, decisiveness, leadership…

The problem is that you can never BECOME a man by running around trying to be those qualities for someone else… trying to be a certain way because you think that’s the way other people will accept you.

And that’s the difference that actually makes the difference.

Eventually I found the mentors and teachers that helped me to scrape myself off of the floor and build myself up step-by-step as an authentic man, with authentic confidence.

What they taught me was that I had to figure out how to love myself enough to stop listening to my inner voice of doubt and instead to live my Truth.

The crazy thing is that before I figured all of this stuff out (with a lot of help!) I never imagined that it was possible for me to live as the Man I am today.

Trying to “be a real man” in order to please, prove something, impress, put down, or win over, anybody else always leads to shit. It doesn’t matter what you achieve, how much money you make, or how many “chicks you bang,” as long as you’re stuck in that mindset, true happiness, true love, and and true masculine ease are impossible.

What Is A “Real” Man?

Fake men seek approval and avoid criticism

Real men enjoy both criticism and approval with equanimity and curiosity

Fake men chase rainbows and waste their time trying to “get it right”

Real men know what is right by knowing what is True, and simply do it

Fake men compensate for their perceived inadequacies, annoying people, and driving away what they most want: love, respect and belonging

Real men have a deep knowing that they are adequate, whole, and complete; they attract high quality women and friends

Fake men have trouble fitting in and feel uncomfortable

Real men comfortably let the world fit in around themselves, have no trouble being alone, and have no trouble in social groups

Fake men lack confidence in themselves and their decisions

Real men make decisions confidently and accept all of the consequences

Fake men are out of touch with their real emotions and truth, they are experts in self-deception

Real men can handle and be truthful about all of their emotions, as well as the emotions of others

Fake men collapse when faced with a big challenge

Real men grow when faced with a big challenge

Fake men base their lives and actions on fear, seeking outer approval and success to “prove” themselves

Real men base their lives on deep truth and love

Fake men don’t know their deepest truth

Real men never forget their deepest truth

Fake men fade into the background in fear of being noticed, or puff themselves up for fear of being not noticed

Real men are powerfully present and take command when they can be of service

Fake men are distant, checked-out lovers

Real men are passionate, sensitive, commanding lovers

How To Become A Man:
Be Willing To Fight For Your Truth

My mentor, Nathan Charles, said:

“Becoming a real man is to master the process of self-authentication as it is lived in your own life.”

And if you’re like me (and pretty much every one of the hundreds of men I’ve coached and the thousands of men that I’ve surveyed and interacted with professionally), then because of cultural programming, you’ve spent most of your life practicing being fake.

And listen, this isn’t just my crazy theory here, this is a fundamentally accepted principle of cognitive psychology since Freud and Lacan first recognized that our personalities are formed, right from the start, to please others… starting with mommy, and continuing until right now with that hottie with the amazing ass that just walked into Starbucks and is standing there ordering her latte, while you watch and wonder if you should go over and introduce yourself.

And those years of practice at being fake slow us down, trip us up, and confuse us with layers of old crap.

And if that didn’t make it hard enough… everyone around us: our boss, our parents, other men — everyone expects us to keep being fake, to keep up the act, because they’re all acting too.

Alone in your life, it is almost impossible to break free into your “real man” because it’s extremely hard as a human to swim against the current of who everyone else expects you to be.

Now to be clear: That’s nothing to whine about, it’s just a fact. And the first step to busting into the wheelhouse of your life and taking command of the bridge, is the willingness to deal with the Truth of your life.

If you’ve read this far, then we’re really getting somewhere, because it’s clear that you’ve got that fire in your belly to live a more authentic, powerful, and free life. On YOUR terms.

You Don’t Have To Settle!
You Can Break Free Into The Life That You KNOW In Your Quiet Moments Is Real, And Has Been Waiting For You

I have spent years in the trenches helping men overcome the cultural programming to settle, to break free of the trap of becoming either a plastic, people-pleasing zombie, or an emotionally numb, I-don’t-give-a-fuck asshole zombie…

To help men step into the fullness of their manhood, their masculine power, and their freedom.

And no, you don’t have dance naked with other men in the woods beating drums around a fire.

(Not that I’m putting those guys down– many men find a deep brotherhood and a strong path to their manhood through that stuff, and I respect what they are up to).

For me, these truths come from decades of mentorship, practice, consideration and testing.

You can’t get your manhood “second hand,” you’ll have to DO THIS YOURSELF…

But you also don’t have to do it ALONE.

I have been uncommonly lucky to have had many incredible teachers and mentors in my life.

Nathan Charles, one of my best friends and a current mentor, also had amazing teachers in his life to get where he is today, including living in a “practice house” with David Deida (who initially gave him the nickname “Terrified” because of his fear of his own truth, his own desires, and that he’d be rejected for them).

Ultimately Nathan joined David’s teacher, (who has been called “Mykonos”), in the secretive Kalapaki Bay Boddhisatva Guild. (And good luck googling that one. Nothing from that time has ever been put into writing).

He went on to spend seven years leading men’s group, lead dozens of workshops, teach thousands of men, and spend countless hours reading, writing, discussing, meditating, practicing, testing and learning.

In other words, Nathan and I fought hard for this in our own lives. And you will too.

But we’re here to HELP so you don’t have to make all of the mistake and wrong turns that we made along the way. We can give you the map.

There Comes A Time In A Man’s Life When He Knows He’s Ready…

Several months ago, Nathan and I led a group of men who were ready through an intense weekend experience in Arizona to give them the insights, knowledge, tools, maps, and exercises to step into their freedom and Manhood.

We spent more than a year preparing the content and we had a strong sense of purpose in creating the best possible program for these men, but…

The results were even better than we imagined!

I came wanting to get permission and direction so that I could fully step into my manly life. I was too much of a wanderer without a strong foundation. I needed solidity and direction.

I leaned that everything resided within me all along. Now I