Sheila Heen on Difficult Conversations – Sheila Heen

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Sheila Heen on Difficult Conversations

Learn How to Discuss What Matters Most from a Harvard Law Professor and Bestselling Author

Whether we’re dealing with an under-performing employee, disagreeing with our partner, or negotiating with a difficult client, we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. No matter how competent or experienced we are, we all have conversations that cause anxiety and frustration.

This is particularly true for people working in the social sector. They’re often faced with situations where they need to untangle differing perspectives, advocate for those who are underserved, or simply manage their employees and volunteers while facing resource constraints.

During this course, you’ll learn practical strategies to handle difficult conversations with grace and agility while achieving productive results. Taught by Sheila Heen, a professor at Harvard Law School and co-author of Difficult Conversations and Thanks for the Feedback, this course will introduce you to actionable insights to understand the 3 layers of every difficult conversation. You’ll learn how to authentically shift from a stance of blame and certainty to one of learning and openness. You’ll also practice tactics like “starting from the third story” to help neutralize the toxic dynamics of difficult conversations and achieve more productive results. Finally, you’ll understand how and why emotions and issues of identity frequently come up in these challenging dialogues—and how you can address them preemptively and professionally while being authentic and empathetic.

This course is for anyone who needs to work together with other people—in their personal or professional lives—to achieve something tough but meaningful together.

Course Curriculum

Section 1: Introduction to the Course

• Pre-Course Survey
• Introduction from Sheila Heen (0:55)
• Introduce Yourself to the Course Community
• What is a Difficult Conversation? (0:42)
• Why Do Difficult Conversations Matter? (0:34)
• Shift from a Message Delivery Stance to a Learning Conversation (1:11)
• Unpacking the 3 Layers of Any Difficult Conversation (2:54)
• Assignment 1: Frame Your Own Difficult Conversation (2:21)
• How to Negotiate with Your Internal Voice (1:42)

Section 2: The “What Happened” Layer: How to Avoid Blame

• Difficult Conversation Case Study #1 (1:16)
• Coaching in Action: Shifting from the “What Happened” Conversation (3:49)
• How to Shift Away from Blame (4:52)
• Difficult Conversation Case Study #2 (0:54)
• How to Handle this Difficult Conversation (3:26)
• Assignment 2: Map Your Joint Contribution System (1:43)

Section 3: The “Feelings” Layer: How to Name Emotions without Getting Emotional

• Dealing with Feelings (4:23)
• Assignment 3: Dealing with the Feelings Layer (1:21)

Section 4: The Identity Layer: How to Grapple with the Identities of Participants

• Why Identity Matters in Difficult Conversations (1:54)
• How to Grapple with Identity in Difficult Conversations (2:02)
• Assignment 4: Prepare to Address the Identity Layer (1:19)

Section 5: The Learning Conversation

• When Should You Have a Difficult Conversation? (4:03)
• Assignment 5: Identify Your Purpose for the Conversation (0:39)
• Start Conversations from a Third Story (3:32)
• How to Listen in a Difficult Conversation (2:39)
• How to Speak Up for Yourself in a Difficult Conversation (2:15)

Section 6: Putting it All Together: Preparing for Your Own Difficult Conversation

• Parting Words of Advice from Sheila (2:11)
• Assignment 6: Prepare For Your Own Difficult Conversation (2:05)
• Complete the Post-Course Satisfaction Survey

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